speed bump

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotter of the Lake Oswego Review newspaper:

A woman found it hard to get out of her driveway due to a dead squirrel on Kingsgate Road.

While spying on her neighbor through a fence, a woman spotted two marijuana plants. It turned out the neighbor has a medical marijuana card.

A saddle worth $2,200 was stolen 18 months ago from a residence on Lake Front Road.

A speeding driver slowed down long enough to back over a neighbor’s “Slow Down” sign on Bryant and West Bay roads.

After having her earrings stolen, a woman spotted the man who took them walking toward the library.

A downed tree covered half the street on Partridge Lane and Walking Woods Drive.

A resident voiced concern about noise from a 50-foot waterfall soon to be installed at a neighbor’s house on Alder Circle.

A large firecracker blew up a mailbox on Independence Avenue, causing a loss of $100.

An unlocked car on Parrish Street was robbed of jewelry, vitamins, hair accessories and other items, adding up to an estimated loss of several thousand dollars.

A drunken person keeps returning to bother other drinkers at an establishment on A Avenue.

A neighbor on Quarry Road has been harassing a leaf-blowing service.

A man painted up like a clown aroused a woman’s suspicion when he dropped to the ground on State Street after he spotted her watching him.

There were no injuries in a car crash on Boones Ferry Road.

A married couple sharing a smoke outside their home on Foothills Drive were shocked when their upstairs neighbors came down and sprayed them with cleaning fluid.

Overgrown weeds were spotted on Pine Street.

A group of youth was seen running toward Westlake Park. It was later determined they were members of a cross country team.

Officers came Ace Hardware when a man mistakenly took a swallow of Clorox, mistaking it for orange juice.

A Safeway customer, described as fat and 60ish, became aggressive and accused a cashier of making a mistake.

A man clad in a hospital gown is apparently living under a pedestrian bridge.

After responding to a woman’s report about smelling meth on Carman Drive and Wilmot Way, police determined that the smell actually was that of a skunk.

A woman was harassed by a caller who claims she owes money and needs to pay for a loan. However, she does not have any loans.

After borrowing her boyfriend’s car, a girlfriend loaned the car to someone else who then got into a hit-and-run accident.

After crawling out from under his neighbor’s house, a man was transported to a hospital by medics.

No one was hurt in a crash on A Avenue.

A person who was suspected of stealing tires from a gas station actually worked there.

Ten people were standing around a white truck with lots of trash bags on Cervantes.

Six kids were jumping off the dolphins at Roehr Park and also setting off fireworks.

Three teens were playing on toddler toys at Waluga Park and refusing to get off of them. Police found this was not a crime.

A group of people sitting under a tree on Greentree Road looked like they didn’t belong there.

No one was injured after a two-car crash at McVey Avenue and State Street.

A person seen coming out of the condos under construction on Second Street turned out to be a security guard.

A suspicious-looking man who was using a computer near a pool at a Carman Drive complex turned out to be a resident.

Two leashed dogs were somehow wrapped around a mailbox on Greentree Road.

A man’s legs appeared to be sticking out of the median on Boones Ferry Road.

Kids were in the press box at a baseball field on Melrose Street, playing with the announcement system.

A dog barked non-stop for an hour on Chandler Road.

Invasive ivy was climbing the trees on Iron Mountain Boulevard, where poison oak plants appeared also to be edging their way onto a path.

Eight kids were jumping off the dolphins at Roehr Park.

Water was flowing from a hole in the ground on Victoria Court.

Ducklings were stuck in a storm grate on Ladd Street, where a rescue attempt tied up traffic.

One neighbor reported another for plotting to cut down their maple tree on Lakeview Boulevard.

No one was hurt when four cars collided at Bryant Road and Upper Drive.

A needle was found on Cervantes Circle.

Police broke up a fight at bar on Monroe Parkway, where one patron was decidedly unwelcome.

A mailbox blew up on an otherwise quiet Westridge Drive, where no one was spotted running from the scene.

An employee altered a credit card slip at a restaurant, increasing the tip.

A woman who thought she heard someone turn the knob of her bedroom door climbed out the window and escaped to her car. Police failed to locate an intruder.