A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotter of the Lake Oswego Review newspaper:
A husband became worried when he called his wife at their home on Brookhurst Court and heard pounding noises in the background. It was determined that the cat had knocked a dogbone onto the floor.
A green jade handcarved antique bird worth $3,750 was stolen from Squires Antiques on First Street. The bird is one of a pair.
A registered sex offender won’t stop sending bizarre text messages to a man.
Four males went into a poker room on Bangy Road and started acting “weird.”
An ex-husband entered his ex-wife’s home on Seventh Street and moved all of her furniture around.
A neighbor keeps dumping garbage in a man’s yard on Greentree Road.
Obscene words were written on a fence in the Amberwood Circle area.
A birthday party for a 5-year-old was too loud.
A mysterious “plop” was heard by a woman outside of her apartment on Carman Drive. An investigation failed to located the source.
Some furniture and a dishwasher appeared in front of a woman’s house on Westminster Drive.
Four “No Pooping” signs valued at $100 were stolen from a yard on Duncan Drive.
A visitor from Canada showed up and started harassing a woman on Cervantes.
A woman was pushed around and told to get out of her own yard on Glenmorrie Terrace. This resulted from a dispute over birdhouses installed by a man.
A vacant house in foreclosure is being used as a residence. Lights go on and off at night, and dirty dishes are being found in the sink.
A female roommate wants the police to remove her male roommate, who has been drinking, from their residence on Jefferson Park. Instead she was given a lecture about use of 9-1-1 calls.
A female client threatened a Lake Oswego veterinarian with harm if her dog was not better by Friday.
Three chickens are wandering around Cobb Way.
Numerous signs and a barstool were placed in a yard overnight.
A man is wary of his roommate filing a false police report against him.
A garage on Allen Road was broken into and robbed of rods and reels.
A fight between four people broke out in front of a church on A Avenue, but nobody wanted to press charges.
A mysterious Chihuahua was tied up in front of Lake Oswego Ice Creamery.