A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotter of the Lake Oswego Review newspaper:

A man is reportedly living in a tree in the large green area behind a church on Jefferson and McNary parkways.

Packages were piling up at a woman’s residence on Greentree Circle. But a check on her status revealed that she was fine.

A man was stuck in his house for a day and a half until he was able to push a key out to an officer, who then unlocked his door.

A dog is going into Safeway on A Avenue and helping itself to food.

A person is ringing doorbells and running on Brookhurst Drive.

A feral cat attacked a regular cat on Victoria Court.

An elderly man cussing and carrying a can opener was seen getting on a TriMet bus.

A bow was stolen and sold on Craigslist. This case will be referenced to a Clackamas County grand jury.

Somebody has been knocking on a woman’s bedroom door for the past year and a half.

Unwanted phone books are piling up a home on Kruse Way Place.

After going through garbage cans and unethically using a restroom, a man was trespassed from a restaurant on Mercantile Drive.

After a woman sent $2,000 to a suspect in Nigeria to rent an apartment, she never received the keys.

A Mongoose mountain bike was stolen from an apartment residence on Parkview Drive. A lime green helmet was also stolen.

The hose at the dog park on Stafford Road, where dogs are rinsed off, won’t turn off.

Parents are not staying in line while dropping their children off at Oak Creek School.

A woman on Douglas Circle was going around cutting down trees with a handsaw.

A resident of Country Commons is concerned about ivy creeping onto her property.

A Halloween-type hand with note attached was seized at a suite on Meadows Road and logged at the LOPD main office.

Two juveniles were going around Tippecanoe Court pretending to be selling driveway pavers.

The presence of toothpaste on a counter makes it seem that someone stayed overnight at a residence.


trouble brewing

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotter of the Lake Oswego Review newspaper:

Extra traffic enforcement was requested for the traffic jam at Starbucks’ drive-thru window on Boones Ferry Road.

A woman has constantly been chasing peacocks around the yards of her neighbors.

A burglar tried to break into Julie’s Travel Desk on First Street overnight.

An unfriendly lady neighbor is throwing vegetables from her deck into a man’s yard on Hillside Lane.

A dirty man was seen lying on the ground on Boones Ferry Road and Kerr Parkway.

A woman says she has received an eviction notice due to a garden box placement that has been there for six years.

It is suspected a prostitute has set up shop at a location on Bangy Road.

A dog on Evergreen Road has not stopped barking for seven days.

A man was lodged at a detox center after making an unwelcome appearance at a sushi bar.

A resident of Lake Grove Avenue was surprised to look out in his yard and see a stranger exercising.

A woman returned to her car parked on Davis Lane and found that it had been hit by another vehicle. The driver had left a note, but it was barely readable due to being soaked by rain.

While examining his new residence, a man discovered evidence of past marijuana growth.

Two door-to-door gutter cleaners are fighting over who gets the job to clean a house on Touchstone.

An employee is suspected of taking items from a site on Bangy Road for the past six months.

When a man heard someone banging on his bedroom window, he ran outside with a fireplace poker to confront the possible prowler.

A stepfather is not allowing a father to park in a driveway to pick up his children, and there is no parking on the street.

A pressure washer was used to spray mud all over a man’s car on Fourth Street near the Lake Oswego Library.

A 19½-year-old son does not want to go on a family vacation.

A child kept jumping in and out of a car while adults argued in front of a pharmacy on Boones Ferry.

While out getting their morning coffee, two women appeared to be snorting drugs and getting high as they went through the drive-thru at Starbucks on Boones Ferry Road.

A UPS delivery man with a big moustache was mistaken for an intruder on Glen Eagles Road.

A tempestuous teen tossed a tangerine at a man who was up on a ladder cleaning gutters on Oak Street.

It was suspected that a drug deal was taking place during a poker game somewhere in the Bangy Road area.

Two elderly women pushed their way through a door at a residence at Hidalgo.

A bleeding man with a gun in his left hip pocket went into a store on Southwest Heather Place and claimed he was a federal agent who had been pulled over by state troopers and had his ID taken away. The man then took off in his van, which contained a woman and three children. The federal agent was wearing plaid pajama bottoms and an Oregon Ducks Rose Bowl T-shirt.