A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotter of the Lake Oswego Review newspaper:
A man is reportedly living in a tree in the large green area behind a church on Jefferson and McNary parkways.
Packages were piling up at a woman’s residence on Greentree Circle. But a check on her status revealed that she was fine.
A man was stuck in his house for a day and a half until he was able to push a key out to an officer, who then unlocked his door.
A dog is going into Safeway on A Avenue and helping itself to food.
A person is ringing doorbells and running on Brookhurst Drive.
A feral cat attacked a regular cat on Victoria Court.
An elderly man cussing and carrying a can opener was seen getting on a TriMet bus.
A bow was stolen and sold on Craigslist. This case will be referenced to a Clackamas County grand jury.
Somebody has been knocking on a woman’s bedroom door for the past year and a half.
Unwanted phone books are piling up a home on Kruse Way Place.
After going through garbage cans and unethically using a restroom, a man was trespassed from a restaurant on Mercantile Drive.
After a woman sent $2,000 to a suspect in Nigeria to rent an apartment, she never received the keys.
A Mongoose mountain bike was stolen from an apartment residence on Parkview Drive. A lime green helmet was also stolen.
The hose at the dog park on Stafford Road, where dogs are rinsed off, won’t turn off.
Parents are not staying in line while dropping their children off at Oak Creek School.
A woman on Douglas Circle was going around cutting down trees with a handsaw.
A resident of Country Commons is concerned about ivy creeping onto her property.
A Halloween-type hand with note attached was seized at a suite on Meadows Road and logged at the LOPD main office.
Two juveniles were going around Tippecanoe Court pretending to be selling driveway pavers.
The presence of toothpaste on a counter makes it seem that someone stayed overnight at a residence.