A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:
A bucket marked “food” was left on northbound I-205 near Highway 43.
A man keeps calling a Lake Oswego burger joint to complain about the quality of food and service.
A woman looked out to see someone dressed in khaki lying at the end of her driveway on Eaglecrest Drive.
A hotel guest suspected of smoking marijuana became irate when this was brought to his attention.
A person was acting suspiciously while parked at Shari’s by listening to talk radio before heading into the restaurant to eat.
Children in the 1800 block of Sixth Avenue were victims of a prank call.
Ever since a light burned out at Sunset Park, there has been a lot more activity.
Mysterious downstairs noises turned out to be four cats that were making their home there.
A phone in the 1800 block of Radcliffe Court rang three times in one hour with no one on the line.
A device in a yard in the 6400 block of Skyline Drive was making a loud noise.
A newspaper delivery driver raised suspicion near Salamo Road.
Dozens of kids were reported hanging out in the Safeway parking lot. Police could only find six.
A truck drove around the 3200 block of Wild Rose Loop six times.
A cat unwittingly locked its owner out of a home by knocking a stick into the track of a patio door.
A rude solicitor wasn’t making any sales in the 2000 block of Parkside Court.
A vehicle parked on the grass at Hammerle Park caused grief.
An ex-wife has stuck her ex-husband with a Comcast bill.
A man says one of his neighbors uses a leaf blower, and another neighbor uses foul language.
A neighbor lady is worried that the Great Dane next door is being held in too small of a kennel.
A website operator’s site was hacked after being told that he had given a man bad advice.
A woman could not find her car after parking it in Lake View Village.
A van parked for 20 mins at Crestview Dr. and Sunbreak Ln. raised suspicion. It was an insurance adjuster eating his lunch.
A skunk was stuck in a raccoon trap in the 2400 block of Southslope Way.
In a loud incident on Kingsgate Road, a mother yelled at a woman who had yelled at her kids, scaring the original yeller.
A West Linn woman heard a noise in her home in the 3300 block of Cedar Court. It was her son.