clockwatchers

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:

A mentally disturbed woman has been yelling out of her window for the past 44 minutes.

A blue Ford and white Cadillac covered in tree debris on Virginia Way were deemed eyesores.

A woman’s ex-boyfriend stole a car and brought her daughter to church on South Shore Boulevard.

Students from Estonia knocked on a door in the 2500 block of Bronco Court stating their exchange program fell through and asking if they could move in.

Suspicious subjects in a new construction site near Chinook Court and Parker Road were really construction workers.

Some rowdy lemonade salesmen at Westlake Park were officially notified of their loudness.

An English sheepdog keeps wandering onto a property on Twin Fir Rd. and relieving itself.

A citizen was unable to remove clothing stuck in a washing machine at the Forest Fresh Laundry.

A tired skateboarder raised concern when he lay down on the grass near Fields Drive.

A strange man with long, dark hair approached a woman in the parking lot of New Seasons and asked her strange questions.

Hearty voices raised in song were heard coming from a pub on B Avenue.

Officers responded to a report of a woman screaming on the 2300 block of Elm Street.

A woman thought someone had harmed her while she was sleeping, but officers determined she had fallen out of bed and hit her head on a nightstand.

Potted flowers were taken from the 5400 block of Grove Street.

A woman called police in the 2100 block of Hawthorne Street about a neighbor who yells names at her when she walks by her home.

A man was receiving strange phone calls and then woke up to find Post-It notes and lipstick all over his girlfriend’s car.

A neighbor on Oswego Summit has been watching his TV too loudly for the past year.

While in her washroom after midnight, a woman became worried by some strange noises. She discovered they were coming from her clothes dryer.

A vandal smeared Vaseline all over a Grand Dodge Caravan parked on Foothills Drive.

A daughter doesn’t want her 91-year-old father joyriding with his 89-year-old girlfriend.

Police investigated a suspicious device, a cylinder tube with electrical tape and wires attached, hanging from a tree on Maple Street near 17th Place. Police determined it was a geocache location.

A man hiding in bushes in the 1700 block of Blankenship Road was “giving his wife some time alone to work out some issues.”

A scary neighbor is frightening children by coming over to tell them wild tales of spirits and demons.

Two heavyset, middle-age women were passing a bottle in a bag between them on Reese Road and Upper Drive.

Horses and a buggy were tying up traffic on Independence Avenue.

A possibly unhinged woman in an apartment was yelling about people stealing her things and complaining that people were having sex too loudly.

An officer assisted the fire department in dealing with a 90-year-old woman who was screaming and yelling and shaking her cane.

A man kept yelling “Jeff, Jeff” and then chanting, rankling neighbors in a Carman Drive apartment complex.

A woman sparked concern when she was seen digging for metal with a large knife on South State Street; she also told an onlooker to “mind her own business.”

Police received a call that a man was lying in an empty lot near the 1000 block of Lilac Street. Officers found the man who said he lived nearby and had gotten into an argument with his wife. The man said he left the house and took some beers with him on the way out, and he was enjoying the sun and his beer. Officers left him alone to enjoy.

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write-in candidate

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:

A politician campaigning on Walking Woods Drive told a woman he wanted her vote, although he had no material to give her.

An elderly woman in a Cadillac is taking too long to turn left on Boones Ferry Road.

Two men sitting in a vehicle in the 2400 block of Southslope Way were raising suspicions. They were writing up a job offer.

Miscellaneous CDs and a yoga mat were taken from an unlocked car on Pine Valley Road.

A heavy, squat woman is bothering people coming out of a planning meeting at city hall.

A man waving at cars on southbound I-205 on the bridge was deemed suspicious.

Condolea Drive was the site of a strange incident in which a pot was moved, two large plants were damaged and underwear was thrown into trees.

A tenant is seeking police assistance in having a woman removed from his room.

Poppy seed jars were found in the library parking lot.

Neighbors in a backyard in the 1800 block of Deana Drive were talking.

A resident’s unwanted sisters came over for a visit, entering through a window.

A rose bush was stolen during the night in the 2000 block of 17th Avenue.

A ferret let itself into a house in the 6700 block of Larson Avenue.

When a man staggered badly coming out of a liquor store, it was originally thought he was drunk. However, it turned out he had a bad knee.

A woman reported that a male acquaintance removed lawn ornaments from her property and threw a Bible at her daughter in the 2200 block of Hawthorne Street.

A driver reported seeing either a grill or a baby carriage on southbound I-205 near Highway 43.

Two vehicles collided at Chow Mein Lane and Willamette Drive.

People from Jamaica keep bothering a family in the 4000 block of Calaroga Drive wanting to come visit.

Someone wearing a headband and a skirt carrying a plastic object seemed suspicious at Marylhurst and Willamette drives.

Two bronze deck chairs worth $100 were stolen from a backyard on La Mesa Court.

A woman believes she is being harassed by a man using electro-magnetic technology. He also rubbed Vaseline on her car door.

A man lost his wallet while buying a taco on Bangy Road.

A cougar was potentially seen in a ravine in the 6600 block of Palomino Circle.

An argument over potato chips broke out between a husband and wife as they were watching TV.

A suspicious vehicle with two people in it was parked at Mapleton Drive and Nixon Avenue. They were lost.