clean freak

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:

A solicitor began scrubbing a porch on Durham and Wilbur streets as a way to demonstrate her product. However, there was no one home at the time.

A man carrying peanut butter and several bags while looking at a map was regarded with suspicion on Walking Woods Drive.

A Rolex valued at $8,000 was stolen from the 23000 block of Bland Circle.

A woman is feeling harassed by a neighbor who is filming her and calling her a drunk.

A suspicious man parked in a vehicle on the 4100 block of Mapleton Drive was waiting to meet someone to go to a wedding.

Chickens were at large on the 1700 block of Regency Street.

Juveniles were reported to be breaking up furniture.

Women’s clothing was found inside a Porta Potty on the 5600 block of Hood Street.

A man wearing a facemask aroused suspicion on Dogwood Drive.

Raccoons were fighting near Riverview and Sunset Avenues.

A bullet was found lodged in a dryer vent on the 2600 block of Woodsprite Court.

Suspicious tree trimming was taking place near Rosepark Drive and Shannon Lane.

The smoking of an herbal product in Foothills Park drew the attention of police.

A neighbor has taken the couch out of one property and placed it in his driveway on Twin Fir Road.

A woman keeps getting into arguments with the same guy in the parking lot of a supermarket.

Two 11-year-old girls selling magazines were reported missing from the 2200 block of Michael Drive. They were found next door.

While walking through traffic on Country Club Road, a man with a toothbrush in his mouth and wearing headphones seemed to be disoriented.

A mother-in-law, banned from going to her son-in-law’s home, left notes and balloons at a neighbor’s house for her grandchildren. Further action against her is contemplated.

A female on the 5200 block of Windsor Terrace was scared a subject was in her house. It was her brother.

An unusual man is making a scene on Blue Heron Road by dancing around, talking to himself and throwing rocks.

While parked at a Shell station on Boones Ferry Road, a female driver slapped a car window and left her palm print because she was upset that the other woman driver didn’t move her car quickly enough.

A rat crawled into a coffee shop and died.

A skinny shaved-headed man in a green sweatshirt was flipping off motorists on Maple Circle and South Shore Boulevard.

Two unknown men were in a backyard on the 2400 block of Fifth Avenue. They were PGE workers installed fiber-optic lines.

A suspiciously parked car at Shari’s was someone checking the restaurant’s takeout menu.

An elderly lady in a robe has been walking around Boones Ferry Road. However, the person worried about her was informed this is normal behavior for the woman.



october surprise

A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:

An elderly woman with an armful of leaves is walking around Boones Ferry Road.

Political signs are being dumped near Palomino Court and Sorrel Way.

A suspicious man was sitting in a tree near Bland Circle and Day Road.

Construction workers are setting up a staging area in front of a woman’s home on the 1600 block of Carriage Way.

A 77-year-old man became so upset by the presidential debate that he called police to say, “They are going to kill all of us.”

A couple were moving into a home on the 3900 block of Elmran Drive suspiciously late in the day.

A woman in front of Jack in the Box was screaming at employees about fraud.

A distraught and drunken girlfriend refuses to stop screaming.

A man near Sunset Avenue and Willamette Falls Drive was behaving inappropriately.

A mother was lighting off bottle rockets even though her children were crying.

In a fit of rage, a neighbor threw water into the face of a woman in the 2000 block of Virginia Lane.

Screaming was heard coming from the 2500 block of Hughes Drive. It was a church function.

The search is on for a naked man driving around in an SUV with Texas license plates.

A resident on the 1300 block of Falls Oaks Court was too scared to answer knocking on the door. It was a neighbor saying the resident left a door open.

A discussion about a woman’s dog and the Bible was overheard between three subjects sitting on a bench on Waluga Drive.

A woman on the 1600 block of Sixth Avenue believes someone is entering her home while she is sleeping and she hears the door when the person leaves. This has been going on for four to five months.

Two girls carrying a rabbit in a cat carrier are suspected of attempted cat kidnapping.

A man with a machete was spotted on the 18800 block of Willamette Drive. He was picking blackberries.

A lady on Summit Drive cannot get her doorbell to stop ringing.

A bunch of juveniles driving around Westridge Elementary threw out a bag that contained a broken bong.

A subject found sleeping in a room on the 2000 block of Eight Avenue was an employee catching up on work.

Boys at Sunset Park were riding bikes and skateboarding, but mischief was suspected.

A caller was concerned about the welfare of a man leaning down in a vehicle near Chestnut Street and Willamette Falls Drive. He was working.

A lady walked outside of her home on Centerpoint Drive and saw a coyote lying in her flower bed.

Juveniles are heaving berries at passing cars on Second Street and Evergreen Road.

A subject threatened to rip a man’s face off and threatened him with a baton while on a shopping trip to Oregon City.

A woman on the 20300 block of Hoodview Avenue reported her cable modem box was moved from her bedroom to outside the front door. Her son admitted to the mysterious move.

There is concern that a large wooden crate in the Woodmont Natural Area could provide a convenient hiding place for a crime suspect.

Three people who seemed to be passed out in a park near Brookhurst Drive were discovered to be in passable condition.

On Boones Ferry Road, a truck driver switched recklessly through lanes, cut through the post office parking lot to avoid the lights, then turned around and stuck out his tongue at the person observing this display.