A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:
An elderly woman with an armful of leaves is walking around Boones Ferry Road.
Political signs are being dumped near Palomino Court and Sorrel Way.
A suspicious man was sitting in a tree near Bland Circle and Day Road.
Construction workers are setting up a staging area in front of a woman’s home on the 1600 block of Carriage Way.
A 77-year-old man became so upset by the presidential debate that he called police to say, “They are going to kill all of us.”
A couple were moving into a home on the 3900 block of Elmran Drive suspiciously late in the day.
A woman in front of Jack in the Box was screaming at employees about fraud.
A distraught and drunken girlfriend refuses to stop screaming.
A man near Sunset Avenue and Willamette Falls Drive was behaving inappropriately.
A mother was lighting off bottle rockets even though her children were crying.
In a fit of rage, a neighbor threw water into the face of a woman in the 2000 block of Virginia Lane.
Screaming was heard coming from the 2500 block of Hughes Drive. It was a church function.
The search is on for a naked man driving around in an SUV with Texas license plates.
A resident on the 1300 block of Falls Oaks Court was too scared to answer knocking on the door. It was a neighbor saying the resident left a door open.
A discussion about a woman’s dog and the Bible was overheard between three subjects sitting on a bench on Waluga Drive.
A woman on the 1600 block of Sixth Avenue believes someone is entering her home while she is sleeping and she hears the door when the person leaves. This has been going on for four to five months.
Two girls carrying a rabbit in a cat carrier are suspected of attempted cat kidnapping.
A man with a machete was spotted on the 18800 block of Willamette Drive. He was picking blackberries.
A lady on Summit Drive cannot get her doorbell to stop ringing.
A bunch of juveniles driving around Westridge Elementary threw out a bag that contained a broken bong.
A subject found sleeping in a room on the 2000 block of Eight Avenue was an employee catching up on work.
Boys at Sunset Park were riding bikes and skateboarding, but mischief was suspected.
A caller was concerned about the welfare of a man leaning down in a vehicle near Chestnut Street and Willamette Falls Drive. He was working.
A lady walked outside of her home on Centerpoint Drive and saw a coyote lying in her flower bed.
Juveniles are heaving berries at passing cars on Second Street and Evergreen Road.
A subject threatened to rip a man’s face off and threatened him with a baton while on a shopping trip to Oregon City.
A woman on the 20300 block of Hoodview Avenue reported her cable modem box was moved from her bedroom to outside the front door. Her son admitted to the mysterious move.
There is concern that a large wooden crate in the Woodmont Natural Area could provide a convenient hiding place for a crime suspect.
Three people who seemed to be passed out in a park near Brookhurst Drive were discovered to be in passable condition.
On Boones Ferry Road, a truck driver switched recklessly through lanes, cut through the post office parking lot to avoid the lights, then turned around and stuck out his tongue at the person observing this display.