A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the records of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., police departments:
An enraged 20-year-old son is throwing fruit around the house.
A bear was reportedly seen at Lakeridge High School.
Cars going down Kenny Street are being bombarded with pumpkins by kids in a white Explorer.
A short, heavy man standing with his dog near Broadway and McKillican streets was suspicious.
A woman is seeking to find the owner of a mysterious pair of slippers she found in her house.
A 19-year-old woman was cited for hit-and-run after backing into a wall three times on North State Street and departing the scene. When later located by police, she was also cited for having no driver’s license and possessing less than 1 ounce of an illegal substance.
A man walking his dog off-leash at Foothills Park became loudly agitated at the person who brought this to his attention.
An attack was launched on a woman who double-parked in front of Jamba Juice on Monroe Parkway. The female driver in a silver Kia started yelling obscenities, filming her, then waved a gun at her.
A resident on Holy Names Drive is being harassed by somebody calling her through the heating vents and making funny noises.
A commercial deep fryer was hanging precariously out of the back of a sedan traveling northbound in I-205 near 10th Street.
A next-door neighbor on the 19300 block of Robin Circle is running a dishwasher and it is too loud.
A slouching driver raised concern in the 3800 block of Wild Rose Drive.
A mother is worried about her daughter, who is nervous about her flight to Pennsylvania.
People yelling outside of a Lower Drive abode were trying to wake up a sleeping parent after getting locked out.
A political sign worth $5 was stolen from a yard on Bayberry Road.
A door was open and lights were on at New Life Church. A prayer meeting was in progress.
A rooster went missing from the 3500 block of Cherokee Court. It has not been seen or heard from for a week.
A man in a black cowboy hat is walking in circles, swearing and bothering customers at Safeway on A Avenue.
A sick raccoon crawled into a woman’s house on Laurel Street.
A zombie scavenger hunt was scheduled for North State Street.
A transient was reportedly seen trying to break into Shenanigans’.
A political canvasser in the 4300 block of Imperial Drive was deemed suspicious.
Extra patrols were requested to stop an old man from allowing his poodle to relieve itself in a neighbor’s yard.
A wraith-like woman in black keeps jumping and darting into traffic on Iron Mountain Boulevard and the Terwilliger Boulevard exit.
A 9-1-1 call from the 1700 block of Blankenship Road was someone trying to call “Dancing With the Stars.”
A home’s exterior lights were flashing on Damon Drive. They were Halloween decorations.
A suspected burglar on the 5500 block of McKillican Lane was a father coming home and opening a window.
Gutter cleaners showed up for work at a residence on North Shore Road, even though the homeowner never scheduled their service. The homeowner thinks this might be related to the threats he has received lately.
Kids playing outside in the 20300 block of Hoodview Avenue were having too much fun and making too much noise.
A woman driver was waving her arms and driving with no hands on her steering wheel as she happily cruised down State Street.
A man got a phone message that a drug deal had gone bad and that the caller was going to recruit the Gypsy Jokers as allies.
A juvenile thought to be smoking something while inside a car parked at West Waluga Park turned out to be a kid doing his homework.
A customer who walked away without paying his tab at Firehouse Pub later returned and fell asleep at an outdoor table.