A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotters of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., newspapers:
After hearing the click of a gun, a woman is more fearful than ever that an unknown female is out to kill her.
A caller thought a man wearing fatigue pants and no shirt riding a motorcycle in the 22700 block of Salamo Road “looked unusual.”
A man was seen digging up ferns on a private lot on Skye Parkway.
A thief took advantage of an open house on Rogers Road to steal a container holding 100 prescription drugs.
A man slumped in his vehicle in the 5600 block of Hood Street was just parked and using the Starbucks Wi-Fi.
A dog defecated in a woman’s yard on Wax Wing Circle.
A woman was suspected of DUII after her unsteady driving on Stafford Road. It turned out she had just gotten new glasses and was having trouble getting used to them.
A suspicious man walking near Robinwood Village was just a new resident.
A drunken woman screamed for help as a man sat on her; apparently, he was actually trying to help her.
After robbing an unlocked shed, a thief threw some tuna on a car parked on Wood Thrush Circle. Loss was set at $5.
A naked man was seen on a log masturbating in the 5400 block of West A Street.
A light bulb at the back of a house on Westview Court was unscrewed over the weekend.
A big purple overstuffed chair was dumped at the end of G Avenue.
A woman wants to get rid of the three guys standing outside her house.
Suspicious people running through a park in the 1400 block of Lewis Street were just playing tag.
A resident in the 5500 block of First Court believes a neighbor has been listening in on her for several years.