A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotters of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., newspapers:
When confronted by police about unauthorized sale of flowers from a street corner in downtown Lake Oswego, a woman insisted she was not selling flowers but giving them away.
A man reportedly peering in cars on Rosemont Road was just dropping off a “secret Santa” gift nearby.
A dog with a four-year history of barking too much is now walking down Poplar Way.
A family returned from vacation to find that two large planters had been taken from their front porch on Westfield Court.
A woman was caught stealing digestion pills from Market of Choice.
An unfamiliar vehicle in the 3700 block of Fairhaven Drive was just a rental.
A suspicious man carrying a clipboard was spotted in the 3000 block of Sabo Lane.
A woman in the 20700 block of Willamette was the victim of a prank call.
Porcelain totem poles made by students were damaged by a vandal.
A beaver suddenly appeared on the roadway on Iron Mountain Boulevard.
A man is going from door to door flapping his arms like wings.
A suspected alarm in a neighborhood turned out to be crickets.
A male is getting dressed and undressed on Eaglecrest Drive.
Two suspicious loiterers at a business turned out to be culinary students.
While hitchhiking on Greenbrier Road, a man broke into a dance.
A suspicious shopping cart was disturbing in the 2900 block of Mark Lane.
A man with a crowbar aroused worry in a woman. It turned out he was actually carrying a flute.
A family suspects their landlord wants to turn their son into the devil.
A cat bit a woman in the 3600 block of Wild Rose Loop.
A big guy who dyes his hair and appears intoxicated has caused ongoing problems with bad parking.
Two odd men wearing beanies were walking around a parking garage on Third Street late at night.
A hitchhiker appeared not to be dressed for the weather near Marylhurst and Willamette drives.
A man waving his arms on a street corner was just enjoying music while waiting for a bus.