A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotters of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., newspapers:
Roughhousing outside the Essence of China restaurant resulted in a broken window.
A suspicious vehicle was parked at Palomino Park for one hour.
A “possibly drunk” subject was walking down Lancaster Street. Officers determined he was not drunk.
Between 15 and 20 juveniles were leaning on customers’ cars at Shari’s.
A woman was suspicious when her neighbor invited her son and another boy into her home to “look at paint colors.”
Illegal fireworks were reported near Carriage Way and Sun Circle.
Five males were mooning traffic near Clark Street and Skyline Drive.
A suspicious buggy was parked with open doors for 90 minutes.
Stamps and a Red Robin gift card were taken from a vehicle in the Bolton area.
A suspicious caller claimed to be from PGE and threatened to turn the electricity off at Healthy Pet.
20 juveniles outside Shari’s were being rude to customers.
Loud people were swimming at Shiftshore Park.
A suspicious soap seller may be operating on Canal Circle.
A man was seen carrying a large purse into Mary S. Young Park.
Vandalism amounting to $80 was done to the amphitheater at Roehr Park.
Five kittens caused traffic problems while attempting to cross Salamo Road.
A real estate saleswoman is concerned about a trailer being parked for the past week and a half right next to a property she is trying to sell.
A suspicious man peering into windows on Carman Drive turned out to be a pest-control worker.
A woman reported she lost her silver-and-turquoise bracelet valued at $1,000 at the Festival of the Arts.
In an ongoing dispute on Woodway Court, a man complained that his neighbor is cutting off the tops of plants in his yard.
A magician was accused of putting on too loud of a magic show at a party on Lakeview Boulevard.
Peacocks are suspected of damaging a car on Boones Ferry Road.
People were being “very loud” at Swiftshore Park.
A suspicious looking woman exited a vehicle and “was checking out” workers near the 5300 block of Windsor Terrace.
Loud music coming out of a house on North Shore Road does not seem to fit the image of the people who live there.
A woman claims she is being harassed via a microwave from heaven. Police found that she is not a danger to herself or others.
A neighbor came by a man’s house and started screaming at him for doing yardwork.
A duffel bag was seen on the side of the road near Sunset Avenue and Willamette Falls Drive. The bag was full of garbage.