A roundup of actual items, excerpted from the police blotters of the Lake Oswego and West Linn, Ore., newspapers:
A filmmaker making a zombie movie notified police there would be lots of screams coming from South State Street.
A downstairs resident at Ridgeview Condos is leaving his bathroom fan on all day while he goes to work.
A suspicious vehicle in the 6100 block of Churchill Downs Drive was suspected to be associated with teens.
There have been three thefts of service by a man who has plugged his own electric car into someone else’s electrical outlet on Centerpointe Drive.
Suspected drunk people were getting in and out of vehicles and revving engines in the 3800 block of Calaroga Drive. It was the homeowners moving cars.
When police arrived at an apartment complex to help a woman screaming “Don’t hurt me!” they found the scream had actually come from a TV program.
A man aroused suspicion on Burma Road by carrying two backpacks.
Three guests at a hotel got into a shouting match over prostitutes and a laptop.
Suspicious circumstances were noted when a woman received a call from a private name and number and heard what sounded like five shots in the background.
Teens near Fairhaven Drive and North Hampton Court would not move for a snow plow.
Peaceful protesters were dispersed in the 19300 block of Willamette Drive.
A theft of a photo of John Wayne was reported in the 2300 block of Debok Road.
While trying to pull her dog out of a storm drain on Ash Street, a woman suffered a thigh injury when she was hit by a light-colored sedan with halogen lights.
A valuable trombone without a serial number was stolen from a white Honda Accord on Briercliff Lane.
Some boys raised alarm when they climbed the back fence of a lumberyard on Boones Ferry Road. It turned out they were making a movie.
When asked why he was on a woman’s porch at Third Street and C Avenue, a 16-year-old boy said he was looking for a baguette.
A man was spotted passed out in a flower bed outside of a convenience store on Boones Ferry Road after imbibing too much beer.
A noise resembling a vehicle peeling out and hitting garbage cans resounded from the 6100 block of Churhchill Downs Drive.
An angry wife is suspected of destroying items in a garage in the 19000 block of Walling Circle.
A portable toilet was “almost” in the middle of the street in the 20600 block of Noble Lane.
White powder was found around a tree in the 2300 block of Chickadee Court.
A single shot heard in the 1300 block of Fourth Street was a single firework.
Benches on a porch in the 2600 block of Warwick Street were moved.
A man punched and damaged the lottery machine at West Linn Saloon.
A tree was mysteriously cut down in the 3200 block of Sabo Lane.
Police assisted Tualatin Valley Fire & Rescue on a cat attack in the 5600 block of Alder Court.
A car was rifled through in the 22600 block of West Bluff Drive. Nothing was stolen but kids’ snacks were eaten.
Six or seven people exited a vehicle “clearly meant to hold up to five people” at McDonald’s on Willamette Drive.
Two suspicious men using flashlights in a vehicle in the 2600 block of Parker Road were in fact delivering newspapers.
A strange man was seen videotaping the entrance of a bank and its customers in the 1800 block of Blankenship Road. He was making a movie.